Guatemala
Week 8 the last week
The last week at the PLQE certainly was a week to remember. My project was my main focus for the week and my new teacher Eduardo understood this, gladly assisting me at every turn. Together we were able to accomplish a lot, but more needs to be done. I once again conducted an interview and managed to get another transcribed. I also got all the bibliography information for about 20 books. These books are ones that are commonly used by the faculty. It was Eduardo’s idea to categorize the books according to their uses in terms of the ability of the student, beginner, intermediate, advanced, and an assortment of the 3 levels. I thought it would be good to get an overview of each book so I made copies of all the prefaces and will read and compare to determine what books satisfy what language learning needs. In total I have bibliography information on 23 books and prefaces on 17 of them. This will be a wealth of knowledge to compare and contrast various strengths and weaknesses of these texts. I declined to travel the rest of the country this week, because my information gathering is yet to be complete. I still haven’t had the opportunity to interview the director of the school and hope that he can find time this week. I will no longer be attending the school formally, but imagine I will be in and out for various research needs. I want to develop some questions and possibly a ranking system to evaluate what in particular teachers like about the certain texts. I think along with the prefaces this can be achieved. I said my goodbyes to the school, but am glad to stay an extra week in Xela and relive those goodbyes. I hope the school is as accommodating as they have been for me, and I look forward to finishing this tedious researching process.
una mezcla

the sound of bells like a light rain, hangs humid in the air. We stand near the last alfombra waiting their arrival. In front of us a white circle frames the final design like a cul-de-sac hemming in the world. People linger in fluid congregation oil in water. together everyone is family here. On the other side of the street protected by a tall iron fence, darkness coats the concrete walls of the chaplet causing the structure to withdraw into the night’s flat façade. It would seem an ominous apparition if not for the illumination of vast rectangular threshold distilled in the vibration of unceasing electric glow. exhalation of light released from the interior of the church. Lucid and open distilled the entrance to the church seems a veritable portal into another world.
Dissipating instantly hushed swells of incense slip past my body like a phantom army. the alfombras breaking open. An aromatic tide a variation of cut wood placates the atmosphere around us provoked by layers of dust or a material that is grittier than sawdust but still delicate enough that it would blow away if left to dry.
Flare-up outbreak inflammation rash. Tide- retrieving withdraw -who do I understand and when? Susto colico
A layer of mountains lies across a broken sky, and the sun hesitating above them in a ring of faultless rays. Bright sanguine traverses the range in condensed chaotic drops, fresh motion thicker than water, like abandoned stains across forever. Jesus walks first pleading with the cross on his shoulder. The women follow the men The Virgin, Jesus. She pursues him with a dagger wedged in her heart. Her gaze plunges above and beyond her body as tears bleed from her eyes. Her clothes remain untarnished. Sometimes an angel comes first. Blue exists but not without contamination. Firecrackers break time and purge the moment of all other sensation. eliminate brush lingers nationality of racism teeth dentures. Waiting stifle my vision constricts namelessly
Cold rain humid air. Do you want a fried egg or scrambled. Uno o dos? Gracias Dios le bendiga. Gracias para servirle gracias buen provecho. If you don’t take care of it, it goes out. A room full of Smoke. Where are we going where are we coming from faith and emotion. The sound of a broom across wet concrete Syrupy wither gripped blotted burning plastic repetition does not mean the lack of creativity the roosters do they ever sleep? always prepare for daybreak. It is two in the morning and the dogs and the cats. The vision of our passage the opportunity we see. We decide? But sometimes there is nothing to see, but still we keep going because that is what life does. The reciprocity one feels within a shelter the destruction of isolation . they wait. Estoy atrasada. When I was young if you even walk with a boy you were no longer a daughter you were malcriada. En el nombre de dios. A person knows when the clouds are truly threatening because of the patterns they have witnessed before. A rose in a hail storm the evolution of modern language.
He who drinks from this water will return to have thirst again. But he who drinks from the water I give will not. While the days pass every drop matters. A boy with dirt on his face flips open a cell phone. ladders climbing the cross one hand hanging from them a Amor es dios, God is love and what is faith defiance a type of resistance -jurisdiction? Here we are at this stage of life. there is love passion between them a passion of suffering. Loamy technology they are grouped by height. The academy- I know where Jesus is? The balance of space between time--- spaces. Pero queria encontrar otro seis. She went to find another six. Only six tomatos in one pound I wanted to buy the other larger but they cost 40 quetzels however these cost 30 I am going to throw on lemon so that they don’t grab a bad odor like this take out the tripe. Like this cut them here. Like Don … he tolerates but other men they don’t they want their food. There is a law. Who is going to take care of her plants? Education. Maargariiita! Qué manda? Ya están acostumbrados. Ya no van a cocinar. Van a tener una muchacha. Quién es? Where they are going to with which mode of transportation. Child climbing into forgotten car. The evolution of the self. She doesn’t want to work anymore she wants to go back to the united states burning wet wood ripping of lamina. It wants to rest . la cafeteria burnt instant coffee black.
Listening to her voice I felt I was confessing something, an unintentional desire, my doubt capsizing into the relief of inadvertent trust. Western doubed in Spanish the resistant glare echoing against the pleated sunlight the sound distorted her eyes held within a deep landscape life carved her skin unforgiving like the movement of water. I kissed her on the cheek, smelling the nature of her age and the thickness of her hair. Mucho gusto conocerle. I balanced gravity back toward to my place on the bed on the other side of …. She frightened me. Her daughter got up from the bed Esmeralda pressing her hands around her mothers face squeezing into her. no mommy space of economy financial boundaries. Es racista como discriminan a la gente. the parrot exhaling a cadenced screech domesticated like a wheel lacking oil margaritas hands music that you listen to alone. Unabashed. The woman holding onto the railess wall. the pool table. Temblor the nation an interaction to and within the international. You already know she says one thing and does another margarita’s hands o power margarita and her house the key. City of God. my life is like that. My life is a disguise. I thought Guatemala was a department of Mexico. What is real outside of violence? Reality -who’s black? Who’s white- possibility. Margarita and the house, dance and cosmopolitanism- humility. What does education mean? Education and environment- Is the most fundamental education. Foundation the casa of Heber. The history of discrimination work property is the different saws crumbling material. Pound.
Path responsibility memory. the remaking of the future. Of what is remembered. Preservation. Emotion. Margarita and her dad’s abuse custom is not necessarily repetition, but an agreed upon history- story of life. Why do you do this ? because it is part of what is real. Custom is constantly changing joining memorias and projections together, custom is right now and it is constantly being adapted to the future. Or to certain possibilities and responsibilities that one understands as real. Like all interaction- language. Where is segregation? Environmental the textual/ sensual life one lives. Level of violence. And in the power of what is being told. Roles give meaning to biology and vice versa. Roles balancing like air currents trying to find organization a place to be. entropy. fe is a declaration To set a boundary with life and death. a necessary communication to relieve/release the stress of fear and the uncontrollable. Family home. Keys.
Air trickles into my lungs. Loyalty to a particular realty “I know where Jesus is.” The wall that fell down on the boy. fe the sky is a vacuum drawing my curtain out the window. Dried orange peal. the etiquette of religion, religion ceremony as a craft.
Margarita’s hands. Soggy feet. rivers running across wire. music and cosmopolitanism group from San Marcos dancing barefoot on black top in the rain. The musical heritage with the African Diaspora is cosmopolitan. Music can cross and transcend many cultural barriers that seem impenetrable otherwise. High heels and tight pants is this national pride? When is the war truly over? What is accessible to whom?
Week 8 last post
Week 6 and 7
On working, not posting.
So I realize I haven´t quite been keeping up on the posts, and I´d feel bad, if anyone ever responded to them. However as it is I think I might be making less work for all of us...
Anyway, the update is I am working my butt off. I didn´t even go to the beach last weekend with the others. Why? Because I had to translate and transcribe. Woot. But I´m actually really excited about what I´m doing, and am making some real progress. I spent all of this morning in the library copying every article the main newspaper here has run on women´s rights or femicide last month. It takes forever but it´ll be good, I hope. I´m also translating a study I found, because the organization that did it said there isn´t an English translation. And I think it´s important. So I´m translating it. Crazy? Maybe a little. But like I said, I love the work I´m doing and I feel it has real value.
But I have to go because they´re kicking us out of the computer lab. If I can find another computer I´ll write more.
Week 7- same teacher, different story
My project is now starting to take off. My Spanish skills have caught up (well they are catching up) to my projects needs. I am understanding the responses in the interviews that I am doing. I am able to ask a question on the fly in the middle of the interview. In other words not all the questions are being read from my computer screen. This week I experienced having the same teacher. It is very rare here for the school to pair up a teacher and a student two weeks in a row when neither the teacher nor the student made the request. I think it was a mistake, but a welcomed one. This teacher is more than a teacher, she is a great listener and a wonderful friend. We really made a connection that will be cherished for a lifetime. I know it sounds sappy, but after 50 hours with the same teacher and basically telling my life story (in Spanish of course) we undoubtedly will be in communication siempre. I am certain that if this form of one on one instruction did not exist, my teacher wouldn’t be a close friend. Maybe this is a digression, but one that I think is paper worthy. As far as the other aspects of my project I had another interview and got some great responses. I really need to prepare the interview questions for the director and get the transcribing of the interviews finished. Next week I will be heading into translating the parts that I think I will use in my paper. My notes and observations also need to be revisited to firm up some themes for the paper. I would like to develop an opening paragraph by the end of the week. It may be tentative, but very necessary to wrap my head around composing a 25 page paper. My post is all over the place, but I imagine most of us are all over the place trying to wrap up this part of information gathering. Good luck to everyone else and have safe trips home.
Week whatever
These last few weeks I have been racking up the numbers of people with information that I can use. For example, my teacher last week Doris gave me a photocopy of this sheet of paper that the police hand out to neighborhoods-- on it are a bunch of symbols and markings that apparently gangs write on doors to houses, indicating the condition of the house. ie, is it a rich house, do they have a dog, are there women living there, has it already been robbed, etc. The police hand out these warning sheets and tell people to wipe off the symbols immediately should they find them. I guess Doris lives in Zone 8 or something, which is much more dangerous than Zone 1.
My other teacher who was going to take me on a patrulla civile said that they´ve been negotiating with the cops in zone 1 and that he doesn´t think they´ll be allowed to do a patrol any time soon. I will ask Rocky and see if he'll let me go with him this Saturday(?) on his Zone 9 patrol. He said they could definitely use my help, and indicated arm flexing for strength or whatever. Maybe there will be action, but I don't know if I want to get too involved, in over my head or whatnot.
The other night this Californian guy Adam and I were at a discoteque, and he was absolutely shitfaced drunk and getting pretty close to a fight with a guy who was dancing aggressively with Adam's "girlfriend". "R" and "J" had just walked in the door (tattooed Marero guys that I may have mentioned in a previous post... "R" is the one with "diecyocho" tattooed on his eyebrow, and when he was dancing around shirtless last night, drunk before his flight back to LA this morning, we noticed that he's got a hell of a lot of body tattoos, and "18" covering his entire back.) .. Anyways I was worried Adam would get fucked up by this other guy, so I went over to "J" (no facial tattoos but the guy looks like the main villain from Apocalypto if you've seen it, really huge scary looking guy) and asked him to keep an eye on Adam "porque pienso que un otro chico quiere pelear a él" (because I think another dude wants to fight him).. "J" gets real serious and says "¿Quien?!" (who wants to fight him?) I was like " I don't know, but just keep an eye on him because he's my friend and he's drunk." SO for the rest of the night even when "J" was dancing with like 3 girls at once he still had an eye on my drunk friend, and nothing bad happened after all. Helps having the right friends i guess.
But the moral of the story is, "R" has gone back to LA by now, and though he did express interest in being interviewed it's too late now and that makes me sad. I would interview "J" but he scares the shit out of me.
Individualism...mejor?
So one of my questions before coming down here was ¨How would I be different if I grew up here?¨ In the US, we honor individualism. We are always being told to follow our dreams, do what WE want, look out for numero uno. Here, life is way more family oriented. My teacher last week told me that a ¨typical Guatemalan family¨ is like the one I live with. There are six people who live there full time. The Grandmother, Blanca, who is more or less the matriarch. Her daughter who is 29, her son who is 33, her two grandkids, 11 and 13, and their mother, who is Blancas daughter-in-law. But Blanca´s other son, his wife, and their two daughters are over at the house all the time. I always see people. The family is always in each other´s faces. Not literally, not like they fight or anything, but everyone is living in such close quarters, it is hard to get away from it all. But is that what they want? I grew up in a very small house with my mom and sister, sharing a room with my sister. But when I wanted to get away, I could. My family would honor my alone time. But here, if I want to study, I have to leave the house, because there are constantly kids screaming, dogs barking, people talking... Yesterday I was laying on my bed trying to do my homework, reading a book and taking notes. The little girl who doesn´t live there, Gelita, just came in and would grab my book or my notebook and write in it, or whatever. I was having a hard time reading anyway because the other little girl was in the next room just screaming for no apparent reason. I had to get out. Is that me being intolerant? Or is individualism, alone time, something that is so ingrained in me from my culture... that I´m being intolerant? I don´t know. It´s just a different concept to imagine having my extended family around all the time, every day. Does that mean that here they have closer family relationships. or more love in the family? I don´t think so, just different.
Is it better to live and work for the family, rather than just yourself? Or is it just necessary down here? It is. I see kids shining shoes in the park. A couple of weekends ago we were at a fútbol game, and there were kids no older 7 or 8 selling snacks in the stadium. In the US there are laws against kids working until they are 16. Technically there are similiar laws here, which aren´t inforced. But these kids aren´t vending and shining shoes to save up for a car or a new pair of shoes, they are working for the survival of their families. We have opportunities and luxuries that the majority of the population here doesn´t.
Week 6 the week of love
This week I experienced how one on one Spanish can really be. I needed extra help in two areas. Not grammar, not pronunciation, not sentence construction, rather words of love and of my new job. I obtained a job at a club here and I needed special attention in memorizing the drinks and the common bar words. This was no problem for my teacher. I also wanted to practice the words and phrases of love in case I ran into the need to use them. And lucky for me I did. I even had a practice date with my teacher here and it went beautifully. So anyway enough about the life outside school I need to explain how the teacher catered to my specific needs. We put the grammar books away and just practiced talking and me listening. I brought a menu from my job and we went through all of the drinks and the bar food. She even helped me by pretending to order drinks and I would repeat what was in them. Then later in the week she reviewed the questions I would have on a first date and corrected them. She even added a few of her own. On Friday’s day of class I was dressed up in my new clothes for my job and she also dressed up and we had a practice date. To fit with our websites picture I bought McDonalds. (I didn’t want her to think I was being serious.) It turns out my practice date was not in vein because I now have to run. In conclusion whatever you want to study in a one on one setting is totally possible. If I wanted words specifically for let’s say firefighting they could help me. Once you have enough of the necessary grammar the world of Spanish is open to you. The teachers are here to work for you and they don’t have to follow any specific plan. They have the freedom to give you Spanish learning freedom. Man I love this school and this country.
chat about identity

Sometimes when I speak Spanish I feel like a five year old that has a perverse interest in political economics. Like a five year old I am augmenting my vocabulary daily and working on my pronunciation but … it is so strange to search and fumble my way through vocabulary so that I can communicate about one or the other political abstraction.
There is a lot going on some tourists were kidnapped last week and freed 36 hours after their abduction. Their fine, but I suppose they’ll have to pay for some therapy sessions. La Prensa Libre was full of articles last Sunday debriefing the incident. According to the “honorable and dignified” Prensa Europe has declared Guatemala to be one of the most dangerous countries in the world- a drastic punishment in my opinion.
Granted I don’t know what it is like to be kidnapped neither do I have any intention of finding out ojalá, but still we don’t need to exaggerate.
La Semana Santa was more than I could have imagined, I went to a nearby town called Salcaja to witness the events. I think I would like to use the experience to provide some landscape to the project paper , which reminds me I have been thinking a lot about circles of conversation as being an important factor in identity construction. I am starting to imagine humanness as a geometrical form that is malleable, with various archetypal concepts such as “woman” modifying and interacting with other standards and ideals depending on context. When I say circles of conversation I am referring to spaces both palpable and abstract, like the patterns in context that produce or influence conversation. I have no idea if that makes any sense, but it is what I have been thinking about. Also I have been ruminating about whether I can identify some of those spaces in Guatemala and the way they interact. – to lend some understanding to the development of humanness that I have been witnessing here.
I like Spanish.
To live is to be in a state (of being) thus we use the verb estar, but to be married is a characteristic so conversely we use the verb ser. To be o no estar.

