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May 03, 2004

WHAT NOW--CAN you TELL ME?

I hate being back. It makes little sense.

This rough outline of how things are supposed to come together isn't coming together.

Feel like I need to see the music selector for the soul reflector.

looking for a good beat

not off but on

perhaps four on the floor

or maybe nine to eight.

What do you think?

Where have all the groovers gone?

Did they run behind the crisp green trees

here in oly and get taken somewhere else

beautiful?

Or were they only here for a moment and now the cool thing is to be sexually abused and globally conscious?

Am I supposed to feel bad because I like what I do and I happen to be a white male?

Ok then it is what it is.

Cool

April 21, 2004

Home is Where the Harpoon is------->>>>>

It feels very strange to be back here in Olympia/Tumwater. Can't exactly say why but it sure does.

My allergies have woken up and I'm a snotty sneeze factory.

I wonder if this is the end of the blogs?

hmmmm.

Such a big part of my Island experience--hanging out to hang on every word everyone typed and now it's over--is my usefulness complete? heh heh more of that home-grown Wrangell island paranoia.

heh heh heh heh heh heh

April 20, 2004

Just When it's Getting Good

The weather, that is. Wrangell perks up considerably and all the good stuff starts to happen when the sun comes out. There is yet another layer of richness in the air that seems to enliven people to get up and out. KSTK has been having their spring fundraiser which is always fun. I helped out and answered phones yesterday and it was cool till my mom called from the 'mergency room seems my nephew twisted his bad ankle and when my mom saw him he was completely purple and hived out all over his entire body from an unrelated medicine allergy. My mom (god love her) thrives on crisis so I had to huff up to the hospital and be the good family man hanging (seems my dad was in the shit because he didn't stop in to see his boy--"gramma only said he had a rash!"--reports grampa)

This is my last day in Wrangell and all I have to record with is my mind. I've shot all my slides and digital video.

The time alotted for liminality on this trip is so brief, as it's just about a two hour trip with the time change so heading from here to home isn't that big of a change. I know I've acclimated to the home 'smell' and when I get home tonight all my stuff will smell like 'home' and not home.

I haven't spent time with the people I wanted to, as in old friends, but I was able to spend time with people I wanted to. I'm feeling a bit overbalanced about the documentation kit--some stuff I've got loads of and other areas are a bit thin. OH well, a balanced life at thirty three is not something I've yet achieved. It's been great reading about peoples' arrival home to see the tone of their entries and gauge their experiences. It has been good checking blogs so often and I've helped a couple people out here and there so hopefully it was worth it. It was for me, I know, but you know.

okay, I'm not leaving Wrangell with too much wisdom--I feel like I have rocks in my head.

See you on the other side.

April 17, 2004

It's Not My Fault

This local gal asked me to 'help' her organize the monthly event for musicians and readers and such. Last month when Julie was here we were on jaunt so I couldn't help. The lady said 'you can be a big help next month to help me get the grind together.' I haven't heard from her until I bumped into her at the high school while I was flyering this week. She says "oh, Walter, I really need your help. I'm leaving Sunday morning and so I have to leave the grind early on Sat. night and need you to lock up. (I still don't understand if she's not leaving till Sunday morning why she can't hang out the night before. It's only until nine p.m.)

I say "You need me to lock the doors? Is that all?"
Her: "Yep, all the musicians run it and they do their own sound and they know what's going on, I just need you to shut the doors."

Me: "hmmmm. okay, let me know what time you need me to 'shut the doors'."

It's friday night and I still haven't heard from her.

While I was videotaping at Presbytery yesterday, I was asked to be in a pagent about the first Christians in Wrangell. I'm also thinking I want to do more documenting at the event on Saturday night and possibly for church service on Sunday morning very early. I mean, Dr. Soboleff is 95 years old and at this point everything that comes out of his mouth is practically cultural treasure and should be treated as such. My (very amateur) videotaping of his sermon yesterday will be in the Presbytery archives and who knows where else?

So anyhow, I call this woman up and leave her a message on the phone and as I was doing so, realized I was more than a little annoyed about the whole situation as the message went something like this: "HI, it's Walter and I still haven't heard from you about exactly when you need me Saturday night and I had a fantastic day documenting Presbytery and was asked to do so tomorrow night, so I think I'm going to do that instead because when you asked me for my help, I thought it was to organize it and make a special event, all you need is someone to close the doors and I'm pretty sure you can find somebody besides me, thanks for thinking of me."

So today on the radio I hear she cancelled the monthly grind.

Honest, it's not my fault!

April 16, 2004

Sometimes You Get the Shaft and Sometimes You Don't Get to Ride In the Elevator

Another beautiful sunny day here on Wrangell isle. Last night the city council yammered through the nine o clock hour so my poetry show got the boot. I played beats from 10-12. Why didn't I do poetry later? hmmm. that's a good question. It all worked out fine, I suppose. okay this is a shortie and happy Friday-I go home in....four days and It's high time.

April 15, 2004

Sunrise FINALLY

Yes, gentle reader, I was able to finally witness the sun in the sky emerge from behind a snowy mountain this morning at six fifteen while npr prattled on about the death toll of mixed races and all the countries growing weary of being a part of this farcical party led by W over there in Iraq.

I'm a crabby little bitch. Yep.

Short-timers pissiness here on the ol' isle.

Yep.

Don't want to go on the radio tonight. Maybe that will make it fun.

Don't feel like helping BP set up tables for Presbytery and then filming what I was asked to film tomorrow and then getting messages from my mom as she hands me the printed schedule..."oh, J said if you FEEL like it it'd be GREAT if you could stop in and record this this and this, and that but only if you feel like it." This shit was fine when I was in high school and I didn't mind doing it last week for the funeral memorial. I mean I only spent about five hours prep-one hour shooting-then four hours doing dubs. No biggie. I should shut my yap and be thankful for all this.....yes I know. But you know the tone of my blogs--they might be a tad more personal than some and that's fine because you know where the back button is. I have had tons of support from my fellow Islanders when I whine in here but this whining is just serving to let off some steam because I ain't writing in a journal and so what if this is public. wah wah wah.

Hard to believe this time is almost over. Most folks' blogs I check out are saying the same thing. OH my nephew is home from jazz band I'm going to go kick his ass. heh heh (he's way bigger than I am but only thirteen--when he figures out he could crush me like a bug I better watch out)

April 14, 2004

You Have To Be Careful When

You Have To Be Careful When You Hand People A Flyer In Wrangell Because Even Though It's For a Radio Show They Listen To, Everybody Thinks It's an Invitation to Come Hang Out At the Radio Station.

Today People Kept Telling Me They'd See Me Tomorrow Night
Today I hosted my last Wed. afternoon session on KSTK from 1-4:30. I played international music and global grooves. When the sun comes out in Wrangell people want to hear Skynrd and Steve Miller. I played Caesaria Evora and lots of beats including bhangra, afro-beat, and latin shit. Nobody called to complain. But no one called to praise either. I guess it all equals out.

Much thanks to Sally for sharing really good music with me that I could share with others.

I love getting and sharing music and getting and sharing. rinse. repeat.

After the radio I went out to Nemo with my mom and Kris and Sadie. We had a fire and a buffet with lots of goodies for dinner like salmon salad and grapes and olives and then we roasted marshmallows. I still reek like smoke. Not that shitty smoke from a bar but the sweet burn of a campfire that tangs your nose and sticks to your sweatshirt and reminds you that you had a fire outside and it was fun. Fires are always fun.

I ran up the hill to a better vantage point and shot landscape video and slides while the sun went down. The view from Nemo Point is nothing short of spectacular and hopefully I'll share it with you soon.

The best part was when about a thousand Sandhill Cranes flew over in formation at about 8-10 thousand feet. Their cries sounded like they were much much closer. I wonder how that works out? Flying so high but being heard way down low. I tried to capture them in my video lens, but they seemed like two dimensional slivers and I couldn't locate them with the camera. So, I had to resign myself to enjoy their majestic flight as countless others have done for millenia. Okay--everybody's blogs are getting cagey as the time approaches to leave and return back Oly. way. Me included. I have several more gigs here before I leave. I want to tell a story about Jabba the Butt but that will have to wait. heh heh.

April 13, 2004

It Took Me A While To Get Up to Speed

But now I'm rollin'. I mean not rollin' like you think rollin' but I'm pretty busy. I just completed a very nice interview with C.L. Chuck Traylor. He ran an air-taxi on Wrangell in the 60's and 70's and was a river-runner and fisherman. Chuck is a very gregarious individual with a great spirit. He arrived in Alaska in the mid 40's and has a wealth of stories. In a one hour video tape, he only sketched things out but I did get a couple good stories out of him.

I am SO THANKFUL that I've made the time to talk to Marge and Chuck because sooner than I'd like they'll be gone like so many others. So many stories forgotten, so many memories staying just as they are and not shared. I don't know about writing 'another' book of Alaskan stories, but I might.

Going to the second slide show tonight. This one is a talk about glaciers and I like glacial geology quite a little bit!

These are standing in as my film watching assignment as this is about as close as it will get.

Last night's talk about the geological makeup of SE AK was 2 hours of hard geology speak. I learned some cool words and had the best seat in the house. About forty people showed up and I was surprised at the turnout. Any time the geologists would make a corny aside people would chuckle--folks like little jokes--the laughs were more like nervous titters. I felt like it was hard for some of these people to be in the same room together. A line from a Portishead song comes to mind, although it's not quite apt: "Years of frustration lie down side by side."

Oh well. I've got a shitload of radio appearances coming up and I'll be on the radio hawking for the fundraiser up till the time I get on the jet Tuesday.

bye bye

Lydia, I Am Definitely From Alaska; Flyering My Hometown

Lydia posed a query: When people ask you where you're from what do you tell them?

Always Alaska. I'm a drama queen, remember? Alaska gets the best responses from questions like: "Have you fought any polar bears?"--No we don't have 'em here, to "How do you like living in a foreign country?"--that one is ALWAYS asked by people from the USA. sheesh, get it together.

My idea of being 'from' Wrangell has been renewed on this trip as I have seen so many wonderful people who have known me or known of me since day one and they are all in a way like my family. Families are very complex and complicated bodies but Wrangell will always be home. And all that other crap about "It takes a village...." is true, I'm a product of this environment, pure and simple. I think on this trip, I've been trying to re-inject some of my own new-self back into this fairly closed environment through radio and helping out whenever I can around town. For the most I have received entirely positive feedback from locals (kind of like ebay). (Except for those two sad little trolls who talked shit to me on the phone--and I know who both of you are and those words of malice sent my way didn't surprise me coming from you in the least. I look over on your station in life on the island which is what it always was and feel just a little badly for you as I don't waste my energy on it other than to mention it here one last time.)

I have done a lot of bitching in subtle and no so subtle verse right here in this forum but it's like I say: Home is where the harpoon is. It means whatever you want it to. It started because I think it sounds oddly like home is where the heart is, which is fairly obvious. But think about harpoons--jokes about fat chicks, providing food for your family, legally and otherwise. It's kinda been my mantra while I've been on Wrangell with my REAL family. REAL family is the most supportive, enriching and destructive element known to humanity (except possibly western colonialism). And my own particular form of that body known as family embodies (nearly) every possible combination of love and support. However, when one grows up and seperates oneself from childhood and the standard awkwardness of teens and twenties and then starts to find stride later in life but then one day is suddenly faced with many qualities alive and well in both one's parents after one has spent such time drowning that bag of kitties--well this one needs to learn how to write more correctly. remember, home is where the harpoon is.

This morning I produced a flyer for my last poetry show on Thursday night as well as my music for two hours following. I made about 100 flyers and went around town. It was funny, I bet most of these folks had never seen a handbill before. I think of living in Seattle in the 90's and it was and still is handbill hurricane everywhere you go. So I posted here and posted there and handed out at the high school and made appearances and bought a coffee! and hung out with the nice gals at the local newspaper it was a very fun way to get more in touch with my community to stir up support for something that won't happen here again (at least with me). I get home and realize I got the date on the flyer wrong. To save face I'm saying I purposely put the wrong date on it so it will generate even more talk. They KNOW Thursday isn't the 14th, but now they KNOW something is definitely going on Thursday night and he calls hisself a poet so we better tune in and see just what flavor of jackass can hand out handbills with the wrong date. ---Keeping this short as lately I've had diaherea of the blog.-------------------------------------------->>>>>>>>>>>

April 12, 2004

Turn Off the Camera and Listen

I've been putting some seriously lengthy blog entries here, and I appreciate everyone looking while I'm away. I'm doing this for my journal as I would never be able to handwrite all this and I need to keep it somewhere, so.......you've been warned about the big blog.]

This morning I had the high honor of sitting and talking with Marge Byrd, lifetime Wrangell resident and Tlingit Elder. I sat at her feet on the deep-blue shag carpeted floor of her home while she sat on the couch. Out the windows the ocean looked so close it was as if we rode the waves on a boat. Her house was decorated with many priceless Tlingit artifacts, mostly all gifts, and frogs of all kinds. She is of the Kiksetti clan, whose crest is frog. Her husband Lee, a non-native she said "wasn't white like 'those' white people," passed away ten years ago and she moved out of her big house next door and cleared the land where her mobile home now sits. She figured why buy a new house when I have this land and can be close to family? (her daughter Ethel purchased the family home and lives just a few yards away--I grew up with Ethel and remember her a couple years younger than I) Marge recently had an addition put on her house where she sews, which she calls her 'native room'. I had thought I would 'collect' the interview on video, but once we began talking I completely forgot about trying to 'capture' her image or stories. Tlingit history is mostly spoken and I am relating what was told to me today from where it resides in my memory. Hopefully I will give it justice.

One of the many things she spoke of to me was how some whites, just the christian missionaries, the government and the BIA, forced natives to abandon their culture; to sever all ties and forget about being native and live as white people in a white world. Now, ironically, the same organizations 'encourage' natives to revive their language and culture and remind them they'd better hurry before it dies out. Most all the elders who contained the knowledge have passed on, and while Marge doesn't feel her culture is dying it has some serious hurdles to overcome.

She told me a tale of being approached by a US Forest Service representative about thirteen years ago. He said they had located a very old bentwood box which appeared to contain human remains. This was located in a cave and they were very concerned it would be discovered and taken and urged Marge to contact the Tlingit elders to find out just what they wanted to do with the box. So, Marge rounded up the elders and had a meeting at the senior center with a USFS representative. The Elders' feeling was that the box had lain undisturbed in the cave for this long and it was best to just leave it alone. It was placed there for a reason and it should be left alone. The USFS couldn't believe that was the Elders' consensus. They kept cajoling Marge and repeating "Someone will take it! We have to put it somewhere safe!" She said "I stand with the Elders and the box was placed there for a reason and should remain there. It hasn't been touched in all this time, it will be fine." About a month later the USFS contacted her and said "We're going to get the box and put it in the state museum in Juneau and we'd like you to accompany us. " (don't that just beat all, good reader?) She said she rode in the boat to where the cave was located up a steep hill quite a long ways. The entrance walls of the area were decorated with paintings and petroglyph carvings which practically none alive today could decipher. She didn't want to be there and she didn't want to even look at these people who were going against the wishes of those they had 'asked' for guidance. She found a stump to sit on and looked out at the view as the USFS guys crawled into this tight cave which was barely visible. Remember, it had been undiscovered for all this time but these guys had to shinny their pale asses in there to 'rescue' this artifact. Marge said whomever was buried there must have been of high standing as the view from the entrance was just amazing. She said you could see allllll the way up the straight this way and allllll the way down the straight that way. She reminded me how her people consider the Land Otter to be a very powerful figure in Tlingit culture. As Marge Byrd watched and waited for the forest service guys to graverob the priceless bentwood box to stave off a possible graverobbing, she noticed an otter come up from the water and examine what was happening. She knew the Land Otter was there to protect this and was certainly aware. I wanted to ask her more about this, but it seemed to be a painful tale. (I believe the Land Otter was a protector who saw the box had been undisturbed for so long.) I wonder how she felt being present while the box was 'saved'. She said it was like if you went to a graveyard while someone dug up your grandma to make sure she was safe. The bentwood box with remains was moved to Juneau. Wrangell didn't have a suitable location to house the box at the time, but this June, Marge will travel to Juneau to retrieve the box and a priceless Raven rattle, recovered through new repatriation legislation. The problem for Wrangell is that all elders who could identify and link items to Wrangell are deceased. Both items are to be housed in the nearly completed Nolan Center Museum here in Wrangell.

Her late husband Lee cooked for many years at the Wrangell Institute which I have spoken of in other postings. She said when their son, Lee, was traveling in the villages up north that people knew who he was just by looking at him. Marge says word spreads fast around the villages and don't I know what she means. She said people would approach and ask, "Are you Lee Byrd?" "Yes, I am." "We know your dad. We went to the Institute in Wrangell. We liked him." It pleased me to hear a story of someone from the Wrangell Institute who was remembered fondly.

Marge said of the news report about the Wrangell Institute I have commented on earlier was fine, except for just one thing: The reporter claiming that a similar school in Mt. Edgecumbe was much better in comparison to Wrangell. She said "I know it was just as bad." Marge told me of her mentor and how she was sent to the school in Haines where they would punish you for speaking your native tongue by locking you in a closet. "My mentor said she spent a lot of time locked in the closet!"

The view from Marge's windows is nothing short of breathtaking, and a totally new view of usual sights for me from a place on the beach I had never been. She said salmon now run up the creek which empties right next to her trailer, and often six to eight seals are cruising there when the tide is high. She said something I've heard several times while I've been on Wrangell this trip: "You know, I could never get tired of looking at this view." As I've said before, the view to me while growing up here was that of being locked in a terrible wilderness prison. Now as an adult, I find God everywhere I look here and the views are truly magnificient.

It seemed the right thing to do, that not taking any images or video from my visit with Marge, even though I'm sure she wouldn't have minded. It's just what happened as it went down and I know it was the right choice. I feel as a non-native, I have no interest in being perceived as a 'taker'.

She spoke of just how few 'true' Wrangell natives still exist. Minnie Kalkins and her family, Mae Dailey and hers. Richard Rinehart. That's about it. So few remain. Marge spoke of her faith and how without it, she would not have survived the loss of her husband. When Lee died, Marge was mad at him because he left without her and was up in heaven with all their friends and family having a great time without her. The knowledge she will one day be with Lee gives her great peace.

Marge speaks quietly and slowly in a pleasant loving voice. Sometimes as she's formulating words a singsong tone emanates from her throat like some beautiful bird, one that is free and not locked in a cage. She showed me many photos of family adorning the walls and very old ones of her Father who was crowned Chief Shakes VIII. There was a BW photo of her great-great grandfather, William U'kas, who carved the famous Wrangell Raven and Kiksetti totems. She spoke of how terrible it was when missionaries came and forced natives to burn their totem poles and regalia. In Kake village, she said when the young people brought back the dance, Elders brought out from hiding artifacts and regalia they had secreted away so the missionaries wouldn't find them. It is from villages now like Kake with dance troupes of over forty that she has faith Wrangell will find its way. She said when they were going to stand the re-carved Raven totem on Kiksetti land where it originally stood (remember, Marge's people put things in certain spots for a reason) she received a letter from the Baptist Church which said: "We don't want your totem on OUR land near OUR church." She explained to me native people do not worship totem poles; they tell stories, tell us who we are. How nice, those kind Christian Baptists who are so ignorant in these modern times to think natives actually worship a painted monument of wood, likening them to pagan devil worshipers. She spoke of being contacted by people researching natives to write books and she said of most literature concerning natives they are always referred to as 'savages' 'godless heathens' and so forth. She says natives have always worshipped the same god as the christians. They survived the same flood which wiped most of the others out. They sought high ground. If you look closely at Tlingit and Haida oral histories, they bear a striking resemblence to the bible. How strange. Not really.

Marge showed me a staff she had been entrusted by her father as caregiver for. Being a caregiver of ancient Tlingit artifacts is no small responsibility. For instance she told me about the time some 'collectors' were told to seek Marge out because she had some and showed up at her door. (She talked about 'collectors' who exploit others' weaknesses. For instance someone convinced one of her relatives to sell William U'kas' carving tools because he had a weakness for drink and they knew he would jump at the cash.) These people at her door said "Name your price, we'll give you anything you want for these items." Marge patiently explained to them (and to me) how there are some things you can not put a price on. They said again "we will give you any price you name." She kindly offered to let them look at the items they would buy. As they left they parted with "If you ever change your mind...." Yeah, little chance of that. She says "I have children, I have grandchildren. I would leave these items for them as their heritage; as who they are. Besides, I am only caregiver for this staff. I am NOT the owner." She related some villagers in Klukwan who were caregivers of certain artifacts which they sold and could never get back. Apparently the new museum will house the staff and robe. The staff is about five and a half feet long. The handle looks like vertebrae joined end to end coming to a raven's head in profile with a long beak. There are spaces where abalone inlays once adorned they eyes and nostrils but have since been lost. One ear is broken off, the other contains two tiny carved faces. She said carver Steve Brown vowed he would one day replace the broken ear. The head of the staff is faded with great age but the traditional blue-green, red, and black still show. The bottom beak of the raven has been replaced and juts unpainted but still old looking with rich woodgrain. She showed me dance paddles her mother had carved as gifts for the 1940 potlatch to honor Chief Shakes VII. Her mother was a Kiksetti princess and it is customary for those of high rank to give gifts to honored guests at a potlatch. Marge showed me a print drawn by Steve Brown of the bear head design from the panel in Shakes' house. She had these printed and gave them away as gifts at the re-dedication of shakes house to honored guests.

Marge honored me by speaking kindly twice of my mother's efforts in the community; Her working so hard for others' benefit, and Marge not minding when my mom asks for help because she knows my mother is working much harder then anyone else.

She said originally her family lived where now stands a laundromat by the cannery. She is youngest of 8 siblings, four brothers and three girls. Only one sister and Marge remain of the eight children. Marge's older brother Herb Bradley was a renowned native historian. She told me when her sister came to visit last summer. Her brother-in-law came too and Marge admitted she always has a better time when with her sister when he doesn't come heh heh heh! They planned a trip to Sitka to see their older brother who would soon pass. They were going to fly up and ride the ferry back. Her brother-in-law changed his mind and said "we'll fly up AND fly back." Disappointed they would now not get to share a liesurely ferry ride through SE together, Marge's sister wouldn't dream of going against her husband. So Marge says: "We will FLY up and we WILL take the FERRY back, end of story." Her brother-in-law said, "oh. ok." After seeing their brother on the ferry ride back to Wrangell they were treated to a rare Alaska ferry ocurrance: At one spot, they discovered many whales, Orca and Humpback who jumped and played in the waves. The ferry actually stopped so the passengers could enjoy this display of magnificience. Marge enjoyed saying to her brother-in-law, "Aren't you glad we didn't FLY back, EH???" We laughed at this tale.

Marge spoke of one of her brothers who was raised by her grandparents (she didn't know them as they had passed when she was born) and knew so many many rare stories of their family and of Wrangell. He was encouraged to record his stories but he was concerned about messing up, she said, and couldn't understand the concept that he could go back and re-record if he made a mistake. She said they were able to get one tape-recording with him before he passed.

She said others have encouraged her to record her stories so that they may not be lost. But she explained when something is such a part of who you are, how do you select what to tell of? What do you say?

I am trying to do as Sam Schrager says and get this down while it is still in my head. I didn't even take any jottings. This is just all from memory and quite lengthy but, kind reader, this is my journal I write to share with you if you decide to look.

The house is coming down around me and the air grows hectic with the sad cries of unhappiness I will not comment on here--however, I feel I must sign off and gain a little distance for myself.

April 11, 2004

I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN WE START PRESENTING; EASTER

Hey Y'all, I've been getting queries as to the what's and why's about our eminent return to civilization, I mean Olympia. As we all know, Sally and Jin probably have something up their sleeves which will seem like a huge bummer at first but will probably all come out in the wash. So, to repeat: I don't know what the hell is going on when we get back other than our meeting at the O.F. on the 26th. What time? Don't know. I'll have to dig out a sheet or something.
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Easter Sunday started with a promise to my mom that I'd accompany her to sunrise service. As I've spoke to Wrangell's lack of sunrises, we had to settle for getting up at six thirty in choking fog and dense, moist air. Drove to city park and helped my mom up the hill to the center shelter, which has been remade much nicer since I was a little guy. When I was that little guy on Easter's past, my folks would host Easter egg hunts for my sister and I. She, five years older would be on one side of the park with her friends and I would be on the other with my pee-wees. I think we did that up until I was in the fourth grade and after that it was no longer cool to publicly hunt for colored eggs and such. Anyhow this morning it was not just the mists of time I was wading through as we made our way to gather with the other faithful to celebrate the rising of Christ on Easter Sunday in Wrangell, Alaska.
These two dudes were trying to light a fire in the way of the non-boyscout or total jackass. I couldn't tell which. It was the stick big pieces of wood in a pile and use something to light it with. Not working too good. My mother Barbara just can't help herself so she went over and started breaking up tiny little pieces of wood and gave them some kleenex and the the two almost got it started but it took someone bringing actual newspaper for these fire-builders to get a blaze blazing. There was a guitar player and a keyboardist who led a group of about forty people in three songs. It does me good to be back among normal folks. Normal out-of-tune singing with normal out-of-tune guitars playing songs nobody really knows buy tries to belt with conviction. I spoke with D.T. who is Stan's mom. I grew up with Stanley and I'm glad to hear he escaped to the east coast and now works in aeronautics.

The service was mixed-faith and presented by several religious leaders. The opening prayer was given by one fellow, the closing by another. In the middle this young, blonde, yearning christian fellow told a story instead of a sermon. This is where I started having more flashbacks and this time I was flipping back to jr. high bible camp where the youth pastor gets up to tell stories to rivet our collective attentions' and bring us closer to the lord. Well, from my 33 year old cynical view I think he failed pretty miserably. Just in the fact that he's telling a story and keeps getting the names confused and forgets parts of the tale and has to go back to make it work. It was like watching a child tell a complex joke for the first time and trying to look over the fact that you've either already heard it or don't really mind the joke is getting butchered like a lamb.
He told the tale of Light and Something. Light was a prosperous guy who met this guy Nothing, who was a total nothing and sick and unhappy. Light befriended nothing and brought Nothing into his house. There, through the love of Light, Nothing found he was something and started to live more like Light, and thus became Something. Now one day, Light was away and a salesman came to the door.....dun DUN! And Something let the Salesman in even though he knew Light had rules about who could and could not come in his house and the Salesman opened his bag to show Something all the things which he was selling that would give Something POWER and thus, make him more like Light. Well, even though Something knew Light had all these rules about what could be done in his house, Something went on ahead and bought the items which the Salesman was hawking. (by this time in the story the teller had stumbled badly over the names and forgotten the transformation of Nothing to Something and had to backtrack a couple times) Something starts to once again weaken and grow more ill than he was before he met Light. Light returns and finds Something very, very sick and Something tells Light he has made a bad choice and knows he must leave the house of Light. Light tells him no, he forgives him and then comes into the room and lies down next to Something and has a doctor or somebody transfer Light's good blood into Something's sick body, and Light takes Something's tainted blood into his own healthy vessel. As Something grows more well, Light sickens and dies. Something is walking through the garden's of Light's house and Light's father, LOVE shows up. Something confesses his complicit nature with the Salesmen's wares which ended up with the death of Light, Love's son. (in the storyteller's words:) LOVE looked at Something with Love and compassion. (I thought he might have said:) Love looked at Something in his own way and told him Light died to cleanse Something of his sins (and here the storyteller rips off the mask and just goes for it) so Something could live. LOVE loved his only son enough to release him to die in that way so Something could live. Something, shamed, said to LOVE he knew he must leave. LOVE said: "Know this: you will always have a home in the house of LOVE and LIGHT, but yes, you must go out into the world and live your life in LIGHT AND LOVE."
I think I told it better than he did. But oh well. Anyhow, the vibe at this mixed-faith worship service was interesting and I could feel the presence of some jacked-up Christians ready to get out into the day of Easter Sunday to celebrate HE IS RISEN!!!!

We were all invited to a continental breakfast at the Assembly Of God Church. Which my mother and I declined. We're so alike. heh heh. On the way out, my mom introduced me to the new pastor of the AOG church. He said, "I'm the guy who built the house so you lost your view." I said, "It had to happen." He misunderstood me and replied, "I'm glad that it hasn't happened." His cologne freaked me out. Sometimes the vibe from religious people is strange enough. I can't understand why one would douse oneself in an officious cologne? As I say, oh well.
I'm sure you can't help but pick up my bit of smarm in this entry, but I is how I is and this is my perception of the morning, although I'm glad we went.

Drove home by 7:45 and I went back to bed till 9:45 and then got ready for regular church. Told my mom I'd accompany her to the First Presbyterian service @ 11 am. I forced Kris, my thirteen year old nephew to accompany me as I told him it would please his grams. It certainly did. The church was pleasantly full and my old babysitter Nettie Covalt is standing in as they have no pastor at the P Church. She was wearing a lovely dyed-print dress from Ghana which looked lovely with her long brown hair. There was an insert to the church bulletin with announcements and prayer requests and such. One interesting type ocurred in the line which said: Sinspiration April 18th @ 7pm. (It was supposed to say Sing-spiration, heh heh, I like the other better) There was a lot of singing and too-loud organ playing. Presbyterian hymns are long, usually four or five verses. No one ever seems to know which key the song is in and doesn't follow the piano or organ and the hymns just kind of plod and wheeze along. However, it seems to suffice for those present as the glow of faces showed me this fellowship feeds a community starving for a sense of itself. I brazenly walked up in front during the last hmyn and shot two slides of the congregation from the front. I figured what better way to document a church and Easter Sunday than to get a shot of the whole show? Nettie's sermon was entitled Best Sellers. She instructed that god has written a personal best seller about and for each of us. I liked it quite a little bit. I took pictures of people after the service and around the church. I also delivered my first edit of yesterday's memorial to the daughter of the deceased. I had hoped to transfer one from DV to VHS and dub VHS to VHS but the dubs looked like pure poop so I realize I have to now sit and physically record each tape from DV. Sure nice I get paid the big bucks for my top-notch video services. HEH HEH. You may wonder at the length of this blog entry and the reason is simple: I haven't been journalling by hand and I am able to be more descriptive in typed form so I am using this blog as a kind of journal and don't expect anyone to hang on this far. After after church, Kris and I drove around while I took shots of various locales around town: both grocery store fronts, a few other native design spots and such. Okey-dokey. I'm going to run.

April 10, 2004

Taping the Funeral; Where's Weber Street?

I was asked to videotape a funeral for longtime Wrangell resident Hazel Krepps. I remember Hazel as the sweet lady who was hard of hearing and I mean the shouting kind of hard of hearing.

Some of her family are unable to make the trip so my documentation will help them connect during their time of loss.

Went to the Presbyterian Church this morning @ 8 am to do test shoots and figure placement.

I'm not really a video guy but I may as well try, eh?

Thanks to Peter's Bogen tripod, I can focus on the pulpit for the ceremony and pan for shots of the people in the crowd.

It was definitely a good thing I went in to test as the lighting is fluorescent and weird and had to move stuff. Preparation is always good.

I messed with placing my clip on mic up on the pulpit but that little thing sounds kind of crappy. I may just go with the sound from the built in mic. I also experimented with plugging in the clip in mic and then unplugging it to go between the two mics while recording. Except for a loud crumple and pop it works great. Since this whole thing has to happen on one tape as I'm not editing it and just transferring the digital footage to VHS it needs to be smooth and somewhat realized. I always tend to over-think things to make it go the best way possible, i.e. busting my ass to make a super recording of the gospel lady last week who gets cold feet in the middle of the first day and I didn't need to really do any preparation. Sometimes it's a blessing and other times a shortcoming. Not sure what it will be today. Good, I think. Yes, good.

Also have to go to the reception to shoot the spread which is being put on by my mother, Barbara. She has been to three other funerals this week and is helping put on the reception for Hazel today. In such a small community when elders pass in groups like this, it's as if whole buildings have burnt down or are erased from existence.

Funny experience at the store about living in a small town. My mother and I were @ Bob's IGA, and the checker @ check stand three hollers to my mom over @ checkstand four: "Hey Barb, where's Weber street?" Without batting an eye, my mom shouts over to the woman standing in line @ checkstand three. "Hey JoEllen, where's Weber street?" "Barb, I'm the one looking for Weber street. There's a yardsale there and I have no idea where it is." Mom turns and yells at Cheri Young just pulling down the flour aisle. "Hey Cheri, where's Weber street?" "Um, uh.....I think; no.....maybe it's...I'm pretty sure it's the street in front of Taylor's Music." My mom again to JoEllen: "Okay, you know where Taylor's Music is?" "Barb, I haven't been here for forty years, remember?" "Okay, do you know where KSTK is?" Blank stare. "Okay, you're up on the road going towards your house--when you hit the big brown building with KSTK on the front take the next left. I think that's it. I think."

My whole time growing up in Wrangell I knew the streets had names but we never used them. Never. It was always "The house past Emde's." or "Just before Schirmer's." Street names. heh heh.

about the taping stuff:

This is good preparation because next week I'll be in the same church videotaping a speech by Tlingit Spiritual Elder Dr. Walter Soboleff, 91, who is addressing the Presbytery and community of Wrangell. Also, on Monday I'm interviewing Tlingit Elder Marge Byrd and talking to old river runner and bush-pilot Chuck Traylor. Seems I'm busier just as it's time to go. okay y'all love from Wrangel. mooch mooch.

April 08, 2004

poetry prep.

It's Thursday again and I'm preparing for FOTAD poetry session IV tonight from 9-10 pm on public radio KSTK FM 101.7

April is national poetry month apparently and after last week's focus on Alaskan poets, this week I'm just grabbing poetry from the web and all sources to give praise to the wonder of the word--printed and spoken (although you know my opinion of spoken word-it pisses me off: (in sing song voice) da dah da dah da da. di dah da da da blah blah blah. so what if they memorize their poems and have slams. big boogeroo.

I've got some Kenneth Rexroth, Robert Sund, Sara Teasdale, Carolyn Forche', Theodore Roethke, Michael Ondaatje, Amy Clampitt, Gail Tremblay, Sam Green, Mark Halperin, and I've also pulled some pretty good haikus off the blog site by a young poet named Willie Bruce $$$$

Last week I had a third of a bottle of sake' with me to grease the machine and I think it worked well. I went and bought another bottle and will enjoy it tonight to do same.

For music tonight I think I might do a pork recordings retrospective from 10-12. However, it's a little downtempo, which is cool, but the weather is nice out. It's a little more rainy night music. We'll see. I'm running out of minidisc space and of course can't obtain any more on the island. I have one left and two poetry shows to do, so I think I'll just record the poetry on md and let the universe have the rest.

Maybe you can tune in tonight.
rock on.
dj zarembo for the friendsoftheawkwarddonkey soundsystem bringing you FOTAD PoetrySessionIV.

April 06, 2004

Fire of Reflection

Today I took Sadie for a walk around the loop because it was such a gorgeous day here on Wrangell!

After that I loaded up my dad's little shitter and headed out to eight mile beach for a fire and some introspection.

There was a woman on the beach whom I recognize, but as we approached she took a swig from what looked like a beer and took off with her little dog. I thought of putting my spot in front of where she was in front of this big log and saw indeed she was partaking of an ice-beer from a can. I can't think of a worse way to get alcohol into your system--especially at noon on a Tuesday, but hey. So I have two boxes of scraps from dad's woodshop and my bag with cameras and journals and stuff and tripod.

I think I moved the whole kit three times before I found the right spot. I'm glad I deliberated so much because the first two ended up being underwater as the steep tide cruised in an hour later.

By that time I was ensconced in my seat with a cheerful fire alternately smoking me out (heh heh) and roasting my thighs like poultry bbq or had just taken my pants out of a crazy powerful dryer--hot hot!

Sadie was bored as she usually is and finally found her spot to sleep right by the water, which was fine until the tide started cruising in. She's a pretty lo-hi maintenance dog. She usually only wants: in, out, fed, walked, and petted. Other than that she's a breeze. I'm lucky I don't have kids because I've found out on this trip my patience level with my 13 year old nephew is zil. Good learning experience, plus I realize when you have kids they don't just pop out as know-it-all's.

So anyhow, I've got out the video camera and I'm shooting the fire and the landscape and the dog and I hear this kind of staccato cough-bark. I can't localize the sound and wonder if it's yet another type of Raven's cry, when I see these two glistening heads slide by, blowing and barking. OH BOY SEALIONS! They're about twenty feet away because the pitch of the beach is so steep, just a few feet and you're in pretty deep water. I fumble with the camera and HATE my shitter tripod. So I try to get the camera off to free hold it and just get the sealions in view when they notice me and disappear for good.

It was exciting to hear them and see them looking so well and playful. Approx. sixty seconds later some distance out I saw something which I can't explain. It was a black flash out of the water; not a fish, not a bird. It never came up again and from the beach I couldn't tell just what it was. I thought maybe a killerwhale, but they usually travel with the whole fam, right? Hmmm, I'll never know.

I just love my little fire and I'm trying to do a little pencil sketch of what I see before me and I have a REAL PROBLEM with perspective of the horizon. I try to start drawing the mountains in front of me on the page, thinking I'm doing it real small and I've made it about, oh, 20 percent across the horizon from left to right when I run out of page. So I try again smaller. Yeah, right. This sketching thing just gives me fits. So I try to sort of finish one and make a sketch of Sadie sleeping on a rock. Marilyn Frasca, I need your help! I suppose if I tried to sketch more I would get better but I don't, so I'm not.

Just kept feeding my small fire and now as I type this entry from home, I can smell my heavenly fire smell.

Nothing too serious in thinking thoughts today. Just a blessing to be out on such a beautiful day with the time and freedom to enjoy a simple thing as a fire. I don't mind being alone as I tend to like it better. The company of others is good too and there is certainly a t & p for it but now I'm really enjoying my solitude as such.

I got up and took some b&w photos of the end of a driftwood log that still had roots radiating out. You know, take a photo of the root-spaces with the landscape in the background, nothing too special. Some good photos hopefully. These nice days are strange because the sun doesn't usually show up for the call. Daybreak is a translucent sky which could be pearl, might be dove. Might be mother of toilet-seat. However, mr. sun doesn't make his appearance till much later and then he's usually got stage fright and waits in the wings like today and, when he's on, draws that not-blue opaque sheet of sky between us and him and glows hidden from view. On days like today, when your eyes are open the sun looks like it does in your eyes when they are closed; a big glowing spot.

gotta go

April 05, 2004

Thank You My Island Friends!

I am a bit of a drama queen, I must admit. Things here in good ol' wangell awaska are dripping along like always. Plus, I'd like to think my writing skills are getting more focused and in that last blog I poured a little of the insides of my dark mind out.

Just wanted to thank everybody for the words of encouagement.
THERE ARE new things here happening, but in an old way.

I COULD NOT have gone to another island without taking out more loans which I can't afford to do, so Wrangell is what it had to be and it's been mostly perfect!

I bagged my religion idea; it's a good one, but I just couldn't stick with it. However, between all the landscape video and slides of same and native art, along with blog entries and preparation and execution of poetry and radio shows along with upcoming church events to document festival and church as well. Plus, Easter sunday should be interesting here. I'll be attending services at the Presbyterian church which is the oldest one in Alaska.

Okay, our time is growing short and I like what Tim says about making it something special to remember in years to come. However, nudity has already been done by me, if you see my slides and I don't think you get to see those. But I bet he means public nudity in front of the public. Well, maybe Thursday night I'll get naked on the radio ;)

Glad very glad Randy is on the mend from his horrible Kosraean poisoning experience. He's going to be able to mine that vein for tales in years to come!

Love to you on your isle from me on mine.
walty

April 04, 2004

I Got Dumped

My recording gig fell through after the first day, as the artist discovered she'd rather keep music for fun rather than stepping up and making it a committment. Glad I could help her figure that out. Can't help feeling like I was dating someone and got let go. Hmmmm? hmmmm.

Just took a walk up Rainbow Falls trail a few yards and recorded running water sounds with my DAT machine. The battery held out for fifteen minutes! yay.

Feeling spun out of control and want to get back to Oly more intensely each day.

Alley Swiss went awol and I found out after a telephone call from his mother that he and his faculty agreed on a different course of study for him. Glad to hear he's ok but I think it odd to hear no mention of it from anybody. say lah vee.

Okay I'm actually considering going home earlier than intended. I feel like my head is going to blow up and I'm just alienating myself from my family like always. Returning home: how not to do it. Parts 1-77 by your itinerant raconteur jackass loping along well worn paths blabbing through fat gums and smacking lips....but the line of crows outside the door seem to know a secret, that quickly spied glance before fluttering away says "one day I'll be back to peck out your eyes."

April 01, 2004

This April Fools Poem is No Joke

April Fool on Institute Beach

Crook of a Sparrow?s wing
Seen in the shape of
a driftwood branch placed just so
On a pillow of brown seaweed bubbles.
Impregnated with saltwater,
Resplendent wetness,
Dead motionless flap frozen.
Resting until the moon
Pulls the tide back in
and Sparrow wood
Once again glides away.

Waves slap their knees while
Misplaced summer light sparkles the
Dipping chuckling faces.
Cold sun applied like makeup
to that liquid-silver visage.

A Raven chastises the breeze.
A lone power-troller forages across the bay,
Trying to get lucky.
An orange buoy glows a noon sunset.

Three symmetrical green peaks
Rise as a backdrop behind
and to the left like a gigantic gentle,
triple-humped forest-covered beast.
Headless and out of place.
A light dusting of snow on
the trio?s top reveals April?s fickle joke.
The chill wind gets it and laughs.

Sadie, fuzzy and patient at my feet,
Looks toward home, then
Back at me and says, ?let?s go.?

--c.2004 Walter J. Maenhout

GET WELL SOON, RANDY!!!

Yeah, it sucks Randy got sick. Odds on it had to happen to somebody in the group. I just didn't want to lose that lottery! Not much chance of that happening here on my island--I might die of a blocked artery before I go, but that's all.

As time grows short here on Wrangell I'm getting into a fair malaise and ready to be home with my other family.

Starting a recording project this weekend with Cindy Martin.

Doing a poetry show tonight and two hours of music on KTSK (this is getting boring because just like before I have the distinct impression that people aren't listening even when they do. Case in point: Last week during the afternoon I got in the groove and dropped Wild Cherry's 'Play That Funky Music White Boy' and some old geezer came to the station because I played a song called 'Play That Fucking Music White Boy.') Why do I even try? I'm beginning to forget why.

Greg and Tom want me to play bass for two nights at a bar downtown when their friend comes up from 'Down South.' Great, except every fricking time I play music with people it's always like this. "Hey, we have this gig and we need a bass player....and we need to learn three sets in two days" Whatever. I'll do it, I guess.

Presbytery is coming up right before I leave and there will be Alaska Native delegates from SE. Walter Sobeloff will be in attendance. He's 91 years old and a gem, I understand. My mother is helping to put it on and I will be called into action. Hope to get video of Native dancers and stuff.

Oh yes, and I told Liz I'd help her organize the next 'Monthly Grind' which happens before I leave. That's the local talent show with musicians and stuff.

Right, the fund drive at KSTK is on before I go too so I'm going to annoy people on the air.

Why then do I feel like a pile of wet shit?

hmmmm.

Anyhow, this started as a get well wish for Randy, and that is precisely what I do wish.

Love to all of you on your respective isles.....from me on mine.
w

March 30, 2004

Just Down the Street From My House

While I was growing up there was this deserted compound of pale yellow buildings known as the "Institute." We rode our bikes on the old concrete paths. We skipped and played war and tag and chase and picked buttercups and held them under our chins to see just who loved butter. Some of us played basketball in the court behind the main buildings. Not me, though; I was fat and didn't like running so much. Still don't. We lived a few hundred yards up on top of the blind hill at 5 1/4 m. Zimovia Highway in a trailer my folks had bought just after I was born in '71. The grade of the hill was flattened out in a major road project in 1992; the year after I got wiped out by a drunk driver with no headlights on who popped over the crest of the hill like a stealthy, horizontal eyeless jack-in-the-box going sixty just as I was crossing the street in the dark. Talk about bad timing. But that's a story for a different time. Point is, I liked playing down there. Something about sitting on the concrete steps and looking out at the gorgeous expanse of Shoemaker bay and Zimovia Strait. There were the two clusters of huge fir trees across the street along the beach. It was always our favorite beach. Probably the whole towns' favorite beach. Now the trees have all been cut down, and the driveway filled in and rocked off and is privately owned. Like so many things, Institute beach is no longer what it once was. Still beautiful but changed forever. At a young age, from hanging out at the Institute I guess, I developed an affinity for old rough-mixed concrete. You know, the concrete with all the stones in it. The concrete that grows moss across its pits as it flourishes in the damp air above walled-in streams chuckling below; glinting spiderwebs strung here and there reflecting the sun or frosted with chill. All the Institute buildings were quite tall for my world, possibly even three or four stories, and the main one had a series of three arches along the front. These weren't southwestern-type arches, but inverted U shapes nonetheless; possibly 25 feet high, which you could see the front of the building through, and the concrete walkway behind the arches and along the building front was a perfect place to play protected from the rain. When I was a little older I began to sneak inside. Just a little bit. I always was kind of a fat mamma's boy wuss, meaning I didn't ever do anything THAT bad or sneak in anywhere TOO far before anxiety tightened my stomach and scrotum beyond staying; I'd always leave before something 'bad' happened. My whole life I've lived with that nameless anxiety. I guess now I am able to attach some of that tension to my fear the universe may again do something 'bad' to me one day. I didn't conceive ofthat particular fear until I was twenty, when I got knocked clean out of my size thirteens by that drunk driver just in front of my parents' and left to die in a ditch while he slunk home in the dark on booze fumes and later couldn't figure out what smashed his little truck to hell and covered it in blood and hair. I know that fear, but I still can't explain anxiety's presence during those first nineteen years, though. I really can't. I had an exemplary childhood with lots of love from my family and plenty of food and supplies and support. I still do, thank you God. I think older kids would sneak in and party inside the Institute. My older sister Kimmer and her friend Gigi stole mirrors from inside there. I found them one day stacked inside my fort and I think back and wonder if maybe that wasn't such a good idea, taking those mirrors. Later, friends of mine said they found a burned-out fire and the remains of a sacrificed cat with some kind of symbols painted on the walls. Apparently there were satanists in our midst. How original. Not that surprising, though. For such a small town, Wrangell featured just about every flavour of organized religion, except possibly Buddhists. Why not cat sacrificing devil-worshipers, then? For a time I remember looking at everyone around town wondering who the evildoers could possibly be. By this time I'd seen enough tv to grasp the concept that people are not always how they appear. For instance, the druggist down town may be a coven leader for the church of satan. Probably not, but my imagination always had its own little B grade matinees. I know I wasn't alone in concocting fantasies about others; however, I kept my stories to myself. Wrangell has always been home to a thriving gossip community which feeds itself on untruths and does not care much for the taste of non-fiction. Anyway, all my memories of the Institute equal this fun and quietly spooky place I used to play and remember as a Wrangell landmark.

In blissful ignorance I romped on the grounds where since the 1930's until 1975, thousands of native children lived as near-prisoners; taken from their homes and villages and forced to live like POW's under the authority of the BIA. Many of these children were sexually and emotionally abused; some as young as five years old. Many could not speak english and being from the flat tundra were terrified of Wrangell's mountains and trees. Students were not allowed to speak anything but english and had were referred to by number instead of a name. Given Wrangell's intense mix of histories; settlement by Tlingits for thousands of years, and much much later fur seeking Russians who handed it off to the British who were generous enough to move aside us Americans, I was shocked but not all that surprised to find yet another shameful color added to the palette of history in this remarkably beautiful and sometimes horribly devious place. One day at the cafe' in Seattle a couple years back, I served a native man whom I told I was from Wrangell. At the time I thought it strange when he physically recoiled as he told me he was a former student at the Institute. I couldn't understand why he said it with such malice. To me it was real neat and near the beach with buttercups and a four way ball hoop on the playground. Just one more example of me as a well-meaning and ignorant white boy with a big smile and a lot to learn.

When I returned to Wrangell this February on the drive out the road home I was shocked to see the Institute property devoid of any structure and ringed by cyclone fence topped with barbed wire. The buildings had been completely destroyed and removed and all the grounds tilled up. The land is so poisoned from asbestos it may be some time before anything can be done with it. Last year there was a healing ceremony put on by the Episcopal Church of Wrangell for survivors of the Wrangell Institute. Some feel the term 'survivor' is too dramatic for what students endured at Wrangell. Some people think they are making up tales about how the younger boys always got the bottom bunks because the older boys knew if they were up higher they were less likely to get groped by the holder of the bobbing flashlight in the dark, held by the security guard making rounds. Some people like the safety of denial and will cower there always; we see you. I learned of all this in two ways: First I had breakfast with Father Mike Curran of the Episcopal Church who hosted the healing ceremony. He spoke to me at length about how incredibly scarred and scared the twelve survivors were who returned to take part in the healing ceremony. He related how these people were visibly sick and frightened by just stepping onto the now vacant campus. Even with the buildings no longer standing he said former students knew exactly where their beds used to be. Only TWELVE! Think of all the others who might never be able to make it here for closure they may sorely need. Father Mike hopes, and I agree, that the grounds would be a perfect place to build a temple of healing and learning so that all generations affected by the horrible legacy of the Wrangell Institute could come for some peace and closure. Second, I just watched almost 30 minutes of news footage put together by an Anchorage TV reporter covering the infamous Wrangell Institute and healing ceremony held here last year. I am going to hook my mini dv up to the vcr and copy the three sections so others can see what I've seen. I'm in disbelief to learn the true existence of the place I used to play at, which runs contrary to everything I belive in and now realize its contribution to the heavy burden on Alaska Natives and native peoples in general. Rhonda McBride is the name of the Anchorage TV reporter who made the story. She ended the piece by trying to present varying viewpoints, such as interviewing a local couple who worked at the Institute and claim no recollection of any abuse at all. She also cuts to a very primped UAF professor who wrote a book claiming use of terms like 'holocaust' and 'genocide' cloud the issue and shouldn't be used in this situation. If you could see how deeply wounded these people are, miss UAF comes off looking like a boob. McBride says the piece is not an attack against the people of Wrangell, rather, the idea that taking children from their homes to live in boarding schools is a practice which happened that needs looking into. I can't say it doesn't bother me to find that my former playland is the site for all this grief and hardship for some. I'm not even native. But I was born here, so I am of this land and I guess I can feel that way.

March 29, 2004

The Dream

I always have the most vivid dreams in the morning after I've first woken and peed and gone back to sleep. Been dreaming about Brandy, my ex-fiance' lately, which is odd. I guess she's still buried in there deeply and my subconscious finds pockets of misplaced emotion for her. Or something like that. There was something about Brandy buying some drums in the beginning but that was about it. The meat of the dream goes kind of like this--and I write this as I still feel some of the tingly otherworld of the dream state--probably won't mean shit to you but I still feel the echoes of that place--. I'm in this big apartment which is apparently my family home (not) and it is sparely decorated with tan carpets and the walls are pale cream. I'm in the corner looking about and I see my mom when the doorbell rings. It's a good looking blonde guy who works for my mom. I feel weird because I'm the son, he's not supposed to be here. There is a central island where there is a computer and my mom is at it punching up something while I'm talking to blondie. I guess we're flirting, but who knows? Next thing I know I'm outside this huuuuge rectangular apartment building and the lawn is covered in snow, but it's actually a gigantic keyboard of sorts. Somehow I'm out of heating fuel and I desperately need to contact the heating company and I'm making some motions to type information into the snow-lawn when all of a sudden behind me up pulls a large white pill-shaped fuel truck. Guy jumps out leaving the engine running, and it echoes very loud in the dark night. He comes up and asks if I called and yes I did and then we're looking all around the outside of the building for where to hook up the fuel tank. We come around the back to a ground-level concrete terrace and I'm looking through sliding glass doors into a dark apartment and the heating guy does something and says: "I like the tropical setting." And warm air whooshes out from somewhere into the cold grey concrete terrace and it feels quite comfy. I'm not sure if this is our apartment because I had the feeling ours was up higher. Next I'm riding in a car out somewhere in rural Washington with Julie I guess, but I can't see her. We pull up in front of a bar of sorts and go in. Kind of like Otto's in Oly but smaller and I'm trying to see what kind of beer they have on tap and I can only see one 'machine' that looks like a Redhook yellow and red tap pull. The cook/bartender says he thinks the seasonal is.......something I can't recall. Then I'm around the corner of the bar which is faced with planks of wood almost as high as my chest. I spy my good friend lil' miss Sarah at the counter and I am so glad to see her. We shared a great hug (which I love to get in a dream!) That's that. I had a thought that has provided me some comfort. I have been taking lots of slides and video of native art around SE. I can turn that into a project. My religious ideas are good but this isn't the time to do it. That may just be my lazy ass finding excuses. That's that.

March 28, 2004

Two Plus Kinds of Boo Hoo

1) Julie just left after two weeks and it was very good to have her close after such an absence (five whole weeks!)

BOO HOO

2) I got my first two rolls of slides developed and they look pretty amazing, except for THE FRICKIN CAMERA HAD A DATE STAMP ON SO EVERY SLIDE HAS A DAMN DATE ON IT!!

BOO HOO

3) I haven't really started on the documentation kit--so BOO HOO

that's all for now.

Very short, poignant entry for your viewing pleasure.

March 24, 2004

Heart of the Sunrise

I missed it by that much. I was fetally snuggled, trying to keep warm in the cold dawn air. We were camped outside on the solarium deck aboard the M/V Taku steaming towards Juneau from Wrangell. "Should be warmer than this, what with the heat lamps about TEN feet above our sleeping bags." Open my eye a crack.........sky is lightening up.......sleep.....another crack......glow brightens....."I should get out my camera and watch the sunrise, but IT'S TOO COLD!".....sleep......open my eye and "DAMMIT THE SUN'S UP. oh well. I missed it."

Does that count?

Documenting the time preceding and following the big moment?

Probably not, but I'll take a drive to Earl West cove (which is odd because it faces the east) to catch a sunrise before I leave Wrangell.

Julie and I got home this morning from Sitka on the M/V Malaspina.
We had a stateroom and slept practically the whole way. (Thanks Mom!)

While in Juneau, I had a hotel room with a computer in the lobby. It was messed up, as I was able to log into my email just once before it kicked me off. I couldn't read blogs--the whole thing was very messed up.

From that single logon, I was able to discern some emergency had occured in Oly which needed Sally and Jin's attention. I was able to forward the messages for Carolyn, which just expressed urgency and need to contact. I did not expect the bad news I recieved this morning of Jacinta's passing. Oh boy. When I was in Juneau, I looked at scarves with Tlingit designs on them. Before I left for my trip, Jacinta squeezed my hand and said: "Walter, remember: I love to get scarves from exotic places! he he he" The Tlingit scarves were out of my price range, but what does it matter now?

Last year I rushed into the COM and needed to find a room for the next day in which to record a poetry reading for Silver Sky. Jacinta nicely informed me that there was, indeed, a process to go through to obtain rooms whch I had not done. She then said she had something available right over here and would this be big enough? (Same room as Sal's seminar) From the first moment I was around Jacinta it was like being bathed in a warm loving glow of positivity and movement. When I smashed my finger last fall she was of immeasurable help to me and even called me at home to make sure I was doing alright. I cannot imagine the COM without her, and I've known her less than a year. I also cannot imagine how her loss will affect those who have known her longer.
------------------------------------------
My trip with Julie was really good.

I got to see many Tlingit and Haida totems I've wanted to for some time.
Someday, to complete the list, I just need to get to Ketchikan, Angoon, Metlakatla and Vancouver Island. Oh yes, and all those other spots in B.C. I guess it's good to have travel destinations.

The weather was perfect in Juneau as we picnic'd upon a gravel shoal looking at the Mendenhall Glacier. The glacier has retreated considerably since me and my buddies used to knock around on the flats stoned out of our gourds on knife-hits back in 1990. (I can't find anybody who'll do knife hits with me anymore...what's up with that?)

As I was traveling with my partner and we had hotels and cars the whole time, the trip seemed very 'safe'. We didn't break any boundaries or find anything new. It was very nice and I'm thankful to know so many wonderful people who take such good care of me. However, I sometimes miss those times when I was alone and would take more chances. I don't like feeling like an old geezer. I KNOW IT'S A STATE OF MIND! so piss off. I know.

I just need to get out on my own and climb up in me old noggin and try to free some of the shit that's oozing out around my ears. I get little samples of it. Little stool samples, if you will.

This is a longer blog for me and if you've taken the time to stop in and see what I've been up to--thank you very much for doing so.

going to sign off for now

love to you on your island from me on mine

and give Jacinta a kind thought: even if you don't remember her, you better believe she helped the Islands program and Evergreen out more than we can ever know.

March 18, 2004

The Love Boat

Departing on the M/V Taku bound for Juneau with Julie in less than two hours. The universe is really coming together for us. We were supposed to stay with my sister in Juneau, but she is quite sick. I called my uncle Jim to see if we could crash on his floor and he got a hotel for both nights we're in Juneau. I get to use my sis' car so I can show Julie the Mendenhall Glacier and other sights. Found out the ferry ride from Juneau to Sitka is 13 hours instead of 6. Now we get to see the villages of Hoonah, Tenakee, and Angoon. There is also a world renowned totem park in Sitka and I think I'll be able to hit the Sheldon Jackson State Museum Tuesday before we leave on the ferry. Woo Ha!

I will be out of the loop until next Wednesday.

I hope nobody has difficulties.

Remember, in extremis, you may contact Amy Greene @ greenea@evergreen.edu

love to you from SE Alaska to you on your islands

March 17, 2004

Was I whining? Oops

Now that Julie is on Wrangell I have much less time and interest for sitting here poring over each blog in woe becuse I'm...stranded in this American dream. The cutest boy you've ever seen--I'm living. (deep dish)

It's St. Paddy's day and hopefully you are all wearing some green. Mine is in the form of the sin envy as I hear of your exploits globally. I am on the radio today from 1-4:30 and I'm trying to dig up Irish tunes and facts about the day to make it something unique (to Wrangell, at least).

It's been great to have Julie here. We climbed Mt. Dewey (too cold for nudity :b) and had a great fire that night in a shelter during a frequent rainstorm.

Tomorrow it is my 33rd birthday and we're getting on the Alaska State Ferry up to Juneau to see my sister Kim and some old friends from back in the day. Sunday we hop another boat to Sitka and there we will see my Aunt Kathy who is Registrar at Sheldon Jackson College. SJ was the original missionary in these here parts.

Cindy Martin called me to talk about music and it ends up I will be recording 12 worship songs of hers at her gorgeous house on the water with a grand piano and what promise to be great acoustics. Yes, God is everywhere.

My study of organized religion has taken a back seat what with all the radio broadcasting, celebrity judging, girlfriend smoochin', cheesecake eatin', et al. etc. etc.

However, I am excited to have time to write while on the ferry and hopefully catch the sunrise Friday morning from the water.

Been reading a lot. Just finished Tom Wolfe 'The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test'. All about Kesey and the Pranksters. I really enjoy Kesey's writing. I picked up SAGN at the library and asked my mom to check it out because it's about a logging family. She doesn't care for the style in which it is penned. Oh well, more for me. Started in on Umberto Eco's 'The Island of the Day Before.' Also books of poetry by Annie Dillard, Billy Collins and Michael Ondaatje--and some SF with Delany--'The Fall of the Towers'.

My parents are the greatest and their support. So valuable and worthwhile to be around them for this time which will probably never come again.......for any of us.

love to you on your island from me on mine.

March 10, 2004

A Long entry? No one reads 'em. Short entry?

Everybody jumps on.

I've heard through the grapevine (heh heh) that some of you are reading this without leaving comments, and THAT'S JUST FINE! Well, glad to have you.

However, you are free to jump in and check out the water.
Tell me how the water is for YOU.

I'm still searching for ways to describe the water here and what it does to me. Yesterday, I stopped the car and grabbed the heavy Bogen tripod out of the trunk (and felt a strange tug across my lower chest like a failed magic trick--the one where you're stuck in a box and the magician inserts a cookie-sheet style blade into the coffin where the audience thinks your chest is, and in this case, the blade found its mark) and went down to the beach and as the pulled muscle in my chest tightened and burned, I practically experienced deja-vertigo as the water fanned out before me moving in lines, in strips; striations going back and forth in front of layers moving quickly to the left and right fading into strands moving, moving, moving, reeling; a swirling tumult of water rippled all the same blue fisheye steel gray smoked foil color. Like being a flea on the edge of a sandy beach-glass plate spun on a stand while Merv Griffin sits atop a dead old driftwood snag; an eagle with Phyllis Diller hair giving me the hairy eyeball. In the distance I see small dark islands hunker before paler-blue bigger islands behind, and still, a larger almost opaque island horizon looms beyond that. Same sky overhead I looked up into as a child and thought "...Hey, this is the same sky over China right now!". I stuck my toe in the water and remembered as a kid a thought: "Hey, this is the same water washing up on the shore of Egypt right now. ((and later, as a man on the beach)) If I could somehow occupy the same spaces as water and touch everywhere it does, I could reach all those shores as well." As a boy I only wanted to escape the confines of this liminal fence. Now I return and am saddened by the loss of those I knew who stayed and died. I didn't die but I also didn't stay; I got knocked into a different trajectory and while I once again share this island's orbit, I carry no resentments with me (almost none, heh heh). I am still a bit ticked to see how the same old fucken liars are still lying and getting away with it. In a smolder my faith digs in and I believe one day they'll get theirs, oh yes heh heh. Glad I pulled that muscle in my chest and could hardly breathe while I shot video of the disoriented water, because now that it's passed I feel my breath more fully and appreciate sucking air and realize I was asphyxiating while looking out at the reeling expanse; brain starved for oxygen, my inattentive attention piqued, now only poked at by that which once, instead of poking, smashed me to get the point across. But what IS the point? I'm getting ahead of myself again.
(in seclusion I seem to be developing a hermit's heh heh. So, heh heh, heh heh, heh heh, heh.)

On the radio today for three hours and then monitored two basketball games broadcast live from Sitka. I played underwriting credits for $10/hr. Breakfast Friday morning with Fr. Mike to talk about this island of faith.

Love to all from my island to you on yours. heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

March 08, 2004

It's so wet here it makes oly look like the Gobi

yeah it rains a LOT here.

March 05, 2004

Poetry show finally realized

Last night I was on the air from 9-midnight.

For the first hour I did a show on poetry that has been brewing for some time.

My parents both kept saying things like: "All the rednecks will love that. I bet you're going to get death threats." (remember, like I said: home is where the harpoon is) Anyhow, no death threats; no rednecks. It was snowing and raining and the wind was blowing stuff around and it was a little scary; in fact, the weather was just perfect. After I read "Are you Mr. William Stafford" I began to explain how it was the last poem he wrote on the very day he died and I burst into tears. Yes. On the air. Funny how my tears sneak up on this green brimming heart and a few squeeze out here and there.

Like I said, no death threats.

I played poets whom I've recorded and others I've collected, as well as read my own work and shared my thoughts about poetry and tried to explain to people who might think of it as being a 'high-brow' endeavour that it is a good way to work through life, and anything at all can be poetry; it's never too late to start anything; and anyone can write poetry, just listen to me read my shit. I felt it was a good success. I got two phone calls from people who were very complimentary and that was just cake.

I got a pack of minidiscs and I'm recording every moment I'm on the radio. So, when we get back, if any of you are interested I'll compile and release the first FOTAD poetry session. The other day I shot some video while I was on the radio and man my mouth is SO CROOKED! I look like such a dork. I realize this is different than hearing your voice recorded and saying " I sound like a dork. " I like my recorded voice, but I LOOK LIKE A DORK!

Between doing radio shows and waiting for my folks' turtle computer to load webpages drop by drop to check blogs I realize I'm not doing too much on the doc kit. I am glad to hear others are, tho.

I'm sure I'll pull a rabbit out of my ass or something soon.

I'm off to be a judge for the high school debate/drama/forensics tournament here this weekend.

Last week I was a chili cook-off celebrity judge.

Man, are these islanders hard up or what?

Me, a celebrity--heh heh. I just made up the celebrity part--it's just people trying to have activity that requires free help and I'm it.

Nah, It's cool to be asked to help out. It's better than sitting here watching the curtains of rain wash across the ground beneath blankets of choking fog while listening to my dad snore.

Oh yeah, KSTK station manager Peter Helgeson loaned me his Bogen Manfrotto tripod with wheel dolly to use for the duration of my trip. It's SO SWEET!!!

Now I can try to take better landscape shots instead of my jittery parkinson's pans. My $30 shitter video tripod works fine for stills, but the pan head sucks. So I put butter all over it hoping it would help and no, butter is NOT better. Maybe I should have tried lard or margarine?

Getting to where I feel like I can say anything on this blog because I think very few people are reading this. I realize my internet time is a whole lot cheaper than most. So blabady blah blah motherlode blah dah ta da

Snuggle tight and hang loose.
and don't forget to wash your harpoon.

Oh yes, by next week all of the 'Evergreen Learning Community' will know about our little troupe of travelers and our blog borg mindlink. I penned 700 words about the exclusive communications array used here and we will be in print soon in the CPJ. Maybe more outsiders will look in on us to see what we're up to.

March 03, 2004

Buck-Naked Blue Skies

Climbed Mt. Dewey on Monday morning in 35 degree chill. When I got to the top the sun had met me there and warmed me such that I felt the need to go bare-assed. Never done this before. Good to know Wrangell isn't just re-heated servings of the same old hash (I nicked that from steven king). I had fun shooting slides and video (not of me) before self-consciousness kicked in and I dressed and tried to draw a map from where I was. That didn't work so well--oh well. FF to Wed. morn and the blue skies have turned to choking gray and the snow dusts the mountains like god's flour sifter is above us.

On the radio today in an hour, guess I better go pull a set.
I hope you can all hear it.
Sending love out to everyone on their island from mine.

February 26, 2004

Wednesday's ashes

Were on my forehead in the shape of a cross. "Walter, you come from dust and to dust you shall return..." Before last night I had never taken place in communion or the wearing of ashes. Ash Wednesday service at St. Phillips Episcopal church was given by Father Mike Curran. He works part-time at KSTK radio and also ministers to Episcopal parishes in Wrangell and Skagway. During my show, Father Mike kept coming into the control room telling me how much he liked my musical selections. I announced the service several times yesterday during my radio show, which said "all are welcome." I went and I'm glad I did.
The Episcopal church in Wrangell is THE original secessionist church which truly embodies the concept that "all are indeed welcome." In the early 1900's Rev. H.P. Corser split from the Presbyterian church because they discriminated against local natives. The E.C. was built on Tlingit Kiksetti land by Tlingits for everyone. I walked into the chapel and was greeted warmly by people I've kind of known my whole life as if I was family. I sat in the back and was honored when Tlingit elder Marge Byrd came over and asked if I'd like to sit up front with her and Mrs. Betty Nore. It was a bittersweet honor when I realized Ash Wednesday was the one year anniversary of the murder of Mrs. Nore's daughter Sheryl and granddaughters Shandelle and Adrianne. Bittersweet indeed. I am beginning to ken just how strong the embrace of faith is in this community that guides and keeps it afloat here in Southern Southeast Alaska.

Sometimes the thing you think you're doing is not the thing you're really doing because it isn't something you'd ever do but just did.

I came home to do some exploring about faith and what I'm finding is something amazing and unexpected.

Love to all of you on your island journeys from me on mine.

February 25, 2004

Voice of the Island

Last night I played in KSTK from 9-midnight.

Spouted extemperaneous poetry about islands,
had fun.

Am on the radio again today from 1-4:30. Have to play more mundane things, but I'll try my best to be subversive.

Weather in Wrangell is up and down like my spirits.

After being back in my parent's house and seeing the weather I realize possibly why I'm so damn moody--

Off to meet Fr. Mike of the Catholic church for my first interview--he cancelled yesterday. Not really sure how this is going to go. Will know soon.

I'm enjoying reading everyone's adventures around the globe. I'm a touch envious as those are all new experiences for them, and this is for me is a new serving of an old, familiar dish. SAY LA VEE.

Remember: Home is where the harpoon is.
peace out

February 23, 2004

Isolation in the Guise of Flatness

One week into this journey
and I'm starting to take on the local colour:

gray
or,
grey

or,

grade a
gray day,

or,

even green is gray mist obscured and not here or there.
The whole island cloaked in liminality.

Not drinking or smoking
and no coffee too--
taking care of myself is pretty boring.

gray, if you will.

February 20, 2004

Mother Eagle Trains the Baby

Baby, hell, that immature bald eagle probably has a wingspan of over five feet! He's in the tree to my left, next to the water. To my right, mom is in the tree across the street from Jr's, about 100' further away from the beach. I hear the cries before I can see who's making them. I wonder if it could be a mating pair calling to each other? Or perhaps it's a booty call? When I round the corner on the Loop Road, I spot the eagle on top of a cedar about 100' tall. Classic white head scrunched down into dark brown almost black body. She lifts off and up, banks to the left, and lunges towards the tree by the beach. That's when I notice another eagle there, hidden among the dense branch cover near the top. Could this be a territory dispute? She circles back, and flies directly over me, about 60' in the air. The eagles' silhouette against the pearl sky backdrop is incredibly powerful and moving. I flashed to movies I've seen like the Beastmaster, where they take an undershot of the hero's totem hawk. She lights back on top of the cedar. More cries. Cripes, I forgot my video camera! The sound of an eagle's cry is a bit like clicking your tongue while making the sound of taking a big drink: dgook, dgook, dook, but more liquid-high and punctuated by hawk-like cries between the trios of dooks. The sound is definitely all business and amazingly clear, since I'm not in a city full of background noise, this is the background noise. I stand enspelled, head tilted to the sky. I'm walking my dad's dog Sadie, and she couldn't care less about the eagle drama unfolding above us.

The first eagle takes off and again divebombs the tree next to the beach, issuing fierce nagging cries. Finally, the other gives up hiding and takes off sullenly towards the cedar to my right, with big mature eagle right on its tail. As it flies, I can see its coloration is golden-spotted-brown. Not yet wearing mature colors. I realize this must be Jr. eagle and mom is cracking the whip, getting baby ready to head up the river to take part in the annual harvest of oily eulachon, or Hooligan.

I could be full of it, but this is the story I made up while standing down on the Loop Road this morning in the crisp, silver light. I'm going to go to the Forest Service and get a map of the island and talk to someone there about eagles.

February 16, 2004

Islands Community Flexes My Spirit

What a first day!

wow--I just picked up the phone and it was Jamie Bryson, my mother's longtime friend and real-life Hippolyte rennaisance man! Jamie has sailed around the world, and every island I mentioned from our class, he's visited under sail power ( I may be exaggerating here, but you know me ). Jamie is a pilot and also ran the newspaper in Wrangell in the 70's. He also wrote a book which I added to my bibliography. He was very excited at the prospect of the Islands program. Considering my lengthy conversation about the Pribilofs and Adak with Dave Wilson earlier today, I'm feeling amped and focused.


As regards the weather, now that I'm actually back on the island IN February, I remember THE BIG FAKEOUT. This is similar to what we've been getting down Oly way. Winter parts the veil and the ground softens and smells of spring. The birds seem more active and without realizing it, one thinks spring must be nearly hatched! Now that the welcoming part of the show is over, I fully expect the lid to slam shut again and temperatures to drop and the groundhog to quit answering the phone.

I saw the light outside today at 10 am, around two, until sunset around five. Do you know those older, square color photos with the white border that has a single character in the bottom border? They're about 3X3? Somehow the photos yellow somewhat, so that no matter what time of year is in the photo, the scene has a sort of glow to it......Today Wrangell seemed bathed in that tinted, pinkish-yellow glow. I forget how clean the air is here and how much information about the surroundings is transmitted through that brisk sniff. I drove to town at twilight to pick up my nephew and my lord, entire panorama to my left and to the front and sky is like a wonderful pastel in rich iron blues and (((I'm scrabbling--trying to find the words to express how vividly wonderful the blue tones were in the twilight sky--I promise to find the language on this journey)))


God---everyone look out, I've got Blog diahherea of the mouth.

Thanks for everybody's kind check in words--

Funny how connected you can feel to people who aren't right here.

Still sending out love to the universe.

w77

16 Feb. Arrival Blog

Well, here we are.

I'm not certain how liminal this transition felt, considering I've made the trip so many times I knew what to expect. It's almost 1430 hours here in Wrangell and the weather is kind and the air has a touch of Spring glow(which in February is the BIG FAKEOUT). The light here seems slanted somehow, a bit like sunny afternoon twilight. I can hear birds outside the window I've not for almost two years, and the squirrels are making a big show on the front deck. I ran my mouth so much about coming here for what seemed an eternity, it felt like "come on and leave, already!"
I am blessed to be among my family--I have missed them so.
Yesterday when I checked the blogs and saw that Eric had reached Athens, it really hit me what we are all doing and the feeling was rather inten